I Couldn't Have Been More Wrong

Before Owen was born, I kiddingly told Emily (probably what most 1st time dad's say to some degree) that she is in charge of all diapers and all baby duty for the 1st 2 years.  I think I joked something like, "Just wake me up when he turns 2 and he is potty trained and can talk." 

I think what I meant by that is  that I am very excited about having a baby but I don't know how to relate to a baby until they can communicate with me (and they are "self-cleaning"). 

I couldn't have been more wrong.  This little dude is so fun to be around and I love to be around him.  (Em stop reading right now.  Do not read on.)  And I love changing his diapers.  I don't mind it at all.  (And he's had some doozys.) 

Tonight I had Owen in my lap and just enjoying him being close to me as he was playing with a toy.  He looked up at me.....and smiled that big smile that warms your heart.  Immediately I just got emotional.  I started to get that feeling that starts in your throat that works up to your nasal cavity and somehow ends up with tears in your eyes. 

Laying in my lap

I wish I could say that the tears were happy tears or tears of joy, but they weren't.  I was filled with sadness. 

For some reason, I just felt sad for all of those fathers (and mothers) who choose not to be in their child's life.   I don't understand it.  I don't understand how you can be holding your flesh & blood and not feel an overwhelming joy in that little person.  The love that they give is so true and innocent. 

I know a lot of people who were raised in situations like that (myself included).  The older I get (especially now with a child), the more I don't understand it. 

As a kid it was "normal" to me.  It didn't seem weird to me that dad was never around.  It was what it was.  It was what I knew. 

How sad is that?

I'm just glad that Owen never has to experience that "normal".  (He'll probably wish I wasn't around as much as I will be.)