Contractions

It all started on Monday (July 9th). 

Emily texted me while I was working that she was experiencing contractions.  She said that they didn't hurt but that she was definitely getting contractions and she started timing them.  2 hours later, she called me to tell me that they were 5 minutes apart or sooner.  She called the hospital and they told her to come into the clinic to get looked at by the on-call doctor and we would either go to the hospital or back home depending on what they found. 

They hooked her up and she was having contractions, but they weren't the type of contractions that started labor, I guess.  (They were very small, and didn't hurt Emily at all.  She thought that if these were the contractions she heard so much about that she was pretty tough.)

Fast forward to 2:00am Saturday (the 14th) morning.  She woke me up saying that she is definitely gettitng the real contractions now and that they were hurting.  By the time, Em & I got to the hospital her contractions were bad enough for her to drop to her hands & knees to deal with the pain. 

(Side bar to the story that you need to know to appreciate the story later on -- Earlier in the week Em told me that she didn't want me cracking jokes while she was in labor because she read in a book that I needed to be serious at that time. I told her that it was my job to distract her from the pain, and if she was annoyed with me....then I'm doing my job.)

As we roamed the halls of the birthing clinic, I was helping her with breathing exercises.  Instead of just breathing, I would have her breathe in patterns.  I would hold up 1 finger, and she would know to inhale deeply and then exhale like, "Heeeee" "Whooooo".  Then I would hold up 2 fingers, and she would inhale, and then exhale "Heeee, Heeee" "Whooo, Whoooo".  We did this up to 5 and back down depending on how long the contraction lasted.  She told me that that was really helping her and thanked me for helping her take her mind off the pain.

Until, one fateful time that during a contraction, I plainly suggested that we try what we had been trying each time up to that point.  (The conversation went something like this:)

Em - OOOOhhhhhhh!!!!!  I'm having another contraction!!!   OOOOOHHHHHHH!  (Moaning loudly in pain)

Me - Ok.  Let's start with a 1 (holding 1 finger up). 

I start to inhale to do it with her and do the "Heeee"  Whooooo" by myself.  Ignoring the fact that I just did it by myself, I keep going and say, now let's do a 2.

Em - "I'M NOT DOING THAT ANYMORE"  "AND YOU BEING ANNOYING IS NOT HELPING ME TAKE MY MIND OFF THE PAIN!!!!!"

Needless to say, I was pretty tight lipped after that.  I couldn't even tell her that I wasn't actually trying to be annoying, I was simply doing what ACTUALLY WORKED earlier and what she had THANKED me for doing previously. 

Tonight, we ordered a couple pizzas and her mother, Em, and I were eating it and talking about the experience.  I was teasing Em about yelling at me during her contractions and she wanted me to tell the story because she didn't remember it.  I told it.  She said, "I vaguely remember that." 

Don't mess with a pregnant woman in labor.  All in all, it went very smoothly.  I have no comlaints, and Em was an absolute trooper.