Why Didn't I Think of This Before?

I think a lot about what kind of father I am going to be nowadays.  Am I going to be the "bad cop" to Emily's "good cop"?  What kind of disciplinarian am I going to be?  What forms of punishment should we use?  Is bribery a good option to obtain a particular behavior from a child?  When all is said and done, the obvious goal is to have a respectful, caring, well behaved child.  Isn't it? 

I thought of the answer.

Several years ago, Em and I would periodically go to comedy shows at the "Funny Bone" in Omaha.  One of the comedians we saw was J. Medicine Hat.  He was a hypnotist.  Now, I'm naturally a skeptic when it comes to these types of things.  So, I went and viewed the show through the eyes of a cynic. 

The way it would work is he would call aroune 15-20 volunteers out of the audience.  He would sit them all around the stage and ask them to focus on his voice.  He would get them to fall into a sleep, and those who weren't responding or if he felt like someone was faking...he would dismiss them off the stage until he got a group of 6-10 "willing and able" participants.  Then the fun would begin.  At that time, he could get the people to do anything and everything for the audiences amusement. 

I actually spoke to someone who had been hypnotized on the stage and they told me that it was very real.  They had no recollection of their time on the stage and was showed the videotape of their "performance" later on.  They couldn't believe it.  I have to say that my conversation with them made me question my cynicism.

Now follow me on this logic.......how great would it be to hypnotize your kids VERY early on in their development.  With the ring of a bell.....they automatically clean their room.  Each time they talk back to their mother.....they feel an electric shock.  Potty training, sleeping through the night, monsters in the closet......all can be "cured" by hypnotism.  Think of the possibilities.

Now some of you are thinking, "How do you know that your child will be susceptible to hypnotism?"  Good question.  I'm glad you asked.  The one thing that I have heard is that the people who are most susceptible to hypnotism are the people who are open to suggestion and who will listen to the person doing the hypnotism.  Who is more open to suggestion than children?  This could be revolutionary. 

Now others of you are questioning the ethics of such a method.  But I ask you, haven't all of you parents used bribery with your kids?  Is that ethical?  (I know of at least one story of one of you that involved M&Ms being used to bribe your kid(s) to go potty.)  Haven't the majority (my mom excluded) of us lied to your kids the existence of Santa Claus?  Aren't we all just wanting the very best for our children?  Don't we want them to experience the joy of a magical Christmas or wanting them to use the potty by themselves so they won't feel the need to change their own diaper in the middle of a board meeting?  Of course. 

The point is that parenting is a difficult, sometimes strenuous job with the goal of teaching your children the ways of life and to get them to grow up as moral, upright citizens who you can be proud of. 

Hypnotism may be the answer.